My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
