Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize