omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
