The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
