My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
