WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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