and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
