So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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