i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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