eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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