I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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