I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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