i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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