at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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