I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize