i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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