Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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