i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
