I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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