Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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