This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
