remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
