Just cropdusted the office
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
