im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
