So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
