ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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