So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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