Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
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I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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