Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
