i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize