i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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