While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
