Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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