I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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