I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
