don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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