We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
