Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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