I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize