i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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