I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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