I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
