Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
