Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
