she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
