a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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