There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
