oh god the rape fog is back!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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