after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
