Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
40s are totally the cure
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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