If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
