you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
