somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
