What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize