Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
