break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
