I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
