maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
