i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
