Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you never un-have a 4some
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
