thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
