it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
