It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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