Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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