k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize