Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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