What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
