Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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