I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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