I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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