I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
