I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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