Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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