i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
