Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
