Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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