How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
