He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
