You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
