i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
