i think my tv is drunk
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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