it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
