....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my sisters under your porch take her home
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
