Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
