If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i came on her dog
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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