Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
