remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
