Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
