Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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