We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
