My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
