Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
