Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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