ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
