so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
