Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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