Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
